i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
