i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize