Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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