kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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