We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.