she was so not down for the gang bang
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just wanna be euthanized
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.