yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.