i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."