He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
