I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?