You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
