Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
