We won't sleep together?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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