The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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