i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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