We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
