think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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