my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party