we made out on top of his cat.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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