i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize