My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish i was in the wii world.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
