thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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