guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
