I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
