TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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