She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
