but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
