Non-Jews are for practice
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
