youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think my fart just growled at me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
