rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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