So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
