i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
