I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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