This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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