we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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