So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
