These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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