We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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