I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need a beard to bite.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
