Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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