Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
