Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
