We won't sleep together?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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