he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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