I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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