Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize