maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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