I feel great
I just peed on a car
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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