wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
