Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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