at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
