Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
