they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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