i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The best revenge is premature balding
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
