I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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