I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
