If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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