i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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