Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
