He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
