Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
