Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
