i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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