If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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