In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Im part way to drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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